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Dogs Trust
Dogs Trust
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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
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_irs-quietly-changes-the-rule-on-how-your-childrens-inheritance-will-be-taxed.webp "The IRS issued Revenue Ruling 2023-2, which had a substantial impact on estate planning, particularly where an irrevocable trust is involved. In the last decade or so, more families have begun utilizing irrevocable trusts to protect their assets from spend-down in order to qualify for government benefits, such as Medicaid and VA Aid and Attendance.<br/><br/>Prior to the issuance of this ruling, it was unclear whether assets passing to beneficiaries through an irrevocable trust would receive a step-up in basis, thereby eliminating any capital gains taxes that would otherwise be owed. Historically, assets that are disposed of during an individual’s lifetime are subject to capital gains taxes on the increase in value of that asset over time. The amount of capital gains owed is determined largely by the difference between the value at the time of purchase and the value at the time of transfer.")
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_podcast-woman-knocked-out-and-left-with-horrific-injuries-in-random-pub-attack.webp "<p>A Rochester woman had to undergo surgery and has been left with a broken nose after an unprovoked attack </a>while on a night out. </p><p>The 42-year-old has lost her sense of smell and taste following the assault - a man who has a history of violence against women has faced court. </p><p>Also in today’s podcast, worried business owners in Medway have been left fearing for their future after seeing customer numbers plummet</a> following a hike in car parking fees.</p><p>They claim footfall has dropped by around a third since the authority decided to increase its pay and display costs for on and off-street parking by 60p earlier this year. </p><p>The parents of a “kind and compassionate” man who died following a severe asthma attack</a> are raising awareness of the condition.</p><p>Dad-of-two Gary Bush was putting his young children to bed when he suffered the attack – this World Asthma Day his parents are urging people with the condition to find support. </p><p>One of the last remaining businesses in a closure-hit shopping centre extension says turning the site into 200 homes</a> could be a good opportunity.</p><p>It comes as the owners of Ashford’s County Square admit the development is “failing” and could be put to better use. </p><p>And you can hear from wildlife bosses as a significantly important area of marshland in Kent has been officially handed over to the Kent Wildlife Trust.</a></p><p>The site near Faversham has been described as a “service station for birds” and is home to more than 250 species. </p>")
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